it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
