allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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