I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
