Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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