I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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