There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm too high and old for this...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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