My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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