I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
