OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
