The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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