He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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