i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
false alarm. still invincible.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
