why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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