I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
