I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
