I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
