I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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