i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
