My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
