You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
