Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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