Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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