what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let's get the cat blown out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
