The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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