it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
