If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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