So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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