It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
