Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize