listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So here I am, sexting at work.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
