i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
