Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
