Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I touched a dick in church today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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