She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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