the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
