i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
