I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
