one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
