I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
