Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
