I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
