FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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