dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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