you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
