I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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