I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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