Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
