you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
