Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
