Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
