Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
