at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
