How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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