I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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