don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
