Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
