tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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