i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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